Dos and don’ts on your big day

I’m a bossy person by nature; always have been. Some people are just born to lead or at least to tell others what to do. So, in this vein, and inspired by the wedding Doo and I recently attended, here are my dos and don’ts for the Big Day.

  1. Do put someone in charge. You don’t have to hire a wedding coordinator, but at least round up a control-freak aunt who isn’t afraid to order people around or have groomsmen hate her. The timing and details make or break a wedding; a BOS (%itch on Site) can ensure everything flows smoothly.
  2. Don’t chew gum at the altar, period. Spit. It. Out.
  3. Don’t make your attendants stand throughout the ceremony if it’s over 15 minutes. And for God’s sake, make sure they snack beforehand and know not to lock their knees. “Bridesmaid down! Bridesmaid down!”
  4. Do consider parking. The reception venue was in a downtown location, with no attached garage. We either had to drive around and wait for a street spot to open or park in a scary pay lot two blocks away under the expressway. Had I known this was an urban safari, I’d have swapped stilettos for hiking boots.
  5. Don’t make your guests wait to eat, especially if you have an evening wedding. This past weekend, the only sustenance served between the end of the ceremony at 7:00 and the opening of the buffet at 9:15 were alcohol and lemonade. When the bride and groom finally went through the line, the rush to eat conjured images of the Titanic life-boat stampede: “Women and children first!” They should have been passing hors d’oeuvres or set up a cheese table. Better yet, they should have let us eat dinner as soon as we arrived; then no one gets wasted on cheap vodka or devours an entire eight-top’s praline favors.
  6. Do keep in mind your cleavage. If your dream dress is strapless, please make sure it comes up high enough to cover the girls. The fact that the bride did not experience a wardrobe malfunction is truly remarkable. For the comfort level of your guests, particularly those with heart conditions, consider adding straps for at least the dancing portion of the evening. They’ll make for a much less stressful evening for all!
  7. Do make it personal. The bride and groom, both physicians, choose Robert Palmer’s “Doctor, Doctor” for their first dance. Far more unique than “I Will Always Love You”!

I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful, but it’ll be better if you listen to me. Peace out.