Focus on the road, nothing else

I’ve had it! And I’m going to throw some people under the bus here, not only because it’s a transportation reference but because I would literally love to do so. Women should not be allowed on the roads until they pass an aggressive driving course complete with an inclement weather portion, a roundabout challenge and a written exam on basic common sense.

I realize I am a female driver, but I know how to navigate traffic, on-ramps, construction zones and icy conditions. I also pay attention while I’m driving. I do not apply eyeliner at red lights, I don’t text while my car is in drive and I actually use my rear and sides mirrors to monitor vehicles around me. I don’t expect people to break the speed limit, but I do expect them to get out of the fast lane (that’s the left lane, ladies) if they are going slower than me. That’s not just common courtesy; it’s the rule of the road.

This past week, driving around town had me cursing on a daily basis. Maybe it’s because school is out and more moms are driving, but every single person I yelled or honked at was a middle-aged woman. I saw a gal jump a lane of traffic and cut off four cars to get a ahead of me in a carpool line; I witnessed a woman stopped dead in a roundabout, unsure as to who had the right of way; and I almost rear-ended two separate lady drivers who had practically parked at yield signs. (FYI: Yield means only stop if you can’t continue as opposed to the red octagonal STOP sign which actually does mean stop.) And don’t get me started on parking. Jesus, if you can’t get in the spot in two moves, then leave.

I hate to admit this, but men really are better drivers. Maybe it’s because they can’t multi-task very well and therefore can only focus on the road, or maybe it’s that they have a one-track mind that won’t let them change it after they’ve made a decision (like a woman I saw in a busy intersection who thought she wanted to turn left but realized she needed to go straight, so just blocked all traffic until she could get over), but whatever the reason, guys seem to drive the right way.

So ladies, please step up your game. Watch NASCAR, take lessons from your husband or just put down the latte. And if you spot me in a dented white mini-van, get out of my way. Peace out.