Olympics for the average

I read an article the other day about bringing back events that have disappeared from the Olympics – things like softball, dueling pistol target shooting, two-handed javelin and, my personal favorite, tug-of-war.

I doubt the movement to return the tug-of-war to Olympian heights is going to gain much traction. It has, however, given me an idea.

We can’t all be the regular kind of Olympic athletes. Who has the time? All that work, the practice, the training … why, you’d have to miss an entire season of  “The Bachelorette” and cut your pizza consumption by as much as a third.

So I’m thinking, we already have an Olympics for the elite runners, jumpers, gymnasts, swimmers and such. Why not an Olympics for the rest of us, doing the sorts of things that are more within our skill sets?

Tug-of-war is just the beginning. Think of the possibilities for events in the Regular People Olympics: Potato sack races. Egg toss. Red Rover. Dodge ball. Flashlight tag. Kickball. Beanbag toss. Yahtzee. Juggling. Slapjack. Beer pong.

Of course, those are kiddie games, except maybe for the beer pong. That’s more of an arrested adolescent game. Perhaps we should include some modern adult competitions, competitions based on Real Life As We Know It in 2012:

Indoor two-handed electronic device manipulation (two divisions: TV remote and smart phone).

Individual errands medley (grocery store, dry cleaners, pharmacy, post office, pick up kids from school).

Multi-tasking relay (the American working mom should be a gold-medal contender in this one).

Riding lawnmower slalom.

Individual, two-man and four-man barbeque.

Team drinking.

Cookie toss. (You could actually combine this one with team drinking for the Alcohol  Biathlon.)

20 kilometer dog walk.

Synchronized floating.

What do you think? No? I guess you’re right. It would never fly. The Olympics stand for something, and that something isn’t floating on your back in an inflatable pool.

But while I admire Olympic athletes for what they do, I also believe this:

Some days, most days, just getting up and living your life – your Real Life As You Know It In 2012 – is its own kind of tug-of-war, except you’re not pulling the rope. You’re pushing it. Life As You Know it is an Olympian challenge, you might say. And just getting through it wins the medal.