Summer family blockbusters

Summer is here, my friends, and for me, it means two things: multiple opportunities for buttered corn at the movies and freedom from the daily grind of homework, bus stops and brown bag lunches. But these perks come with a cost – namely weight gain and delinquent children. So taking my cue from Rotten Tomatoes, here are some certified “fresh picks” for surviving the longest of the long school vacations:

Amish Day: Horror. At least for my kids. The idea of surviving even one afternoon without their beloved Xbox or Kindle or iPod is enough to throw them into hysterics. But my husband and I both agree that they will not waste the beautiful weather hunkered down in the basement sniping Nazi zombies. So one day per week shall henceforth be designated Amish Day.

Bedtimes on Elm Street: Legal Thriller. John Grisham could learn a few things about courtroom drama from our offspring at bedtime. They argue, mediate, bribe and stall just like real lawyers. But setting and enforcing consistent bedtimes is a must if our children are to get the rest they need, so as justices, Doo and I bring the gavel down on their antics. We simply can’t handle the truth of too few Z’s.

Fun After Reading: BBC Documentary. Important yet oh-so-boring, we are once again requiring our precious little angels to participate in the library summer reading program. They’ll resist, right up until they discover there are actually good books out there.

Revenge of the Chores, Part 2: Foreign. Our kids have household responsibilities throughout the school year, but for some reason they think June marks the beginning of some kind of chore sabbatical. So getting them to continue with laundry, dishes, lawn mowing and cat care is like watching a Spanish soap opera – over-the-top drama with unrelenting eye rolling and cleavage-clutching gasps. A chore chart will continue to dominate our Frigidaire, muchas gracias.

The Family Wilson: Comedy/Drama. Last year we instituted a game night, but this year we’ve switched things up and are starting a weekly Wilson movie night. Each of us will get the chance to select a film that the whole family must watch. This could go one of two ways, hence the double genre label. Hopefully, we will have tons of fun critiquing each other’s picks, but as in all families, chances are high that someone’s feelings will get hurt. Let the games begin….

Peace out.