Friends who are girls

Commentary by Heather Kestian

My kindergartner recently announced that he has a girlfriend. What? Excuse me? Certainly you mean a girl that is a friend.

My son is a boy’s boy. Dirt, mud, running fast, cars and trains are his top agenda items. Girls do not factor in this equation. In fact, for his fifth birthday party, not a single young lady got the nod. I like it this way. Screaming boys who run and jump and play in the mud are uncomplicated. I have never understood little girls. I grew up with all boys in my family, so I think I naturally understand boys better.

We talked extensively about this young lady who is in his class. She does not run as fast as he does, and he is willing to overlook this flaw. He thinks she is slower than him because of her glittery flip flops.

He is noticing glittery flip flops.

Fast forward a week and he mentions his girlfriend again. I inquire as to how his “friend” is doing, and specifically give her name.

“Mama, I am not talking about her.” My dear child, about whom are you talking?

“My second girlfriend. I have many.” He said this with a “catch up Mom, and stop being so un-cool” tone.

Jesus, take the wheel. Casanova moved in to my house, and he’s five years old.

For all those dads out there who worry about their daughters, rest assured, mothers are concerned for their sons. Why, you ask? Let me tell you, as my response may surprise you.

We are trying really hard to raise honorable sons, who will grow up to be great men. This takes time, dedication, and an incredible amount of tears, sweat and blood. Do you know how many toes we’ve stubbed and how much running we have done in these five years? Or how many lost games have been played? Suffice it to say: lots and lots of lessons have gone into our sons. Each lesson builds on the previous one, and we are trying our best to build magnificent children who will treat everyone with respect – including his future partner.

I was hoping for a little more time, say 20 or so years, sans females. I thought that was a reasonable request. However, I am fairly certain his sixth birthday party will include girls. I suppose I should consider a glittery party favor.