Opinion: Needing a major adjustment

Mary Ellen and I have been happily married for more than three decades. We had some difficult moments over the years, but right now we are better adjusted than we have ever been.

Our toaster setting, for example, has been a source of some heated discussion. Mary Ellen sets the dial so low that we should call the device our Hamilton Beach warmer. She says my toast is too burnt, which is silly, but it’s hard to argue with her when I’m fanning our smoke alarm with a wet dishcloth.

“Why can’t you put it back to the dark setting when you are done?” I asked.

“You can darken light toast but you can’t lighten dark toast,” she said. I decided not to pursue this conversation, but like toast, the next morning another issue popped up…

“Mary Ellen, why do you have our treadmill on such a high speed? I got on after you finished exercising, flipped the switch and it catapulted me backwards and into the basement wall. Can’t you turn the speed down when you are done?”

“Yes, if you leave the wash cycle alone so I don’t ruin my blouses.”

“I don’t want to wash my jeans on the super delicate cycle by accident. The guys at the club would have a field day with that. Why is it so cold? Did you turn the thermostat down?”

“Put on a sweater.”

“I had it perfectly adjusted. I like the house to be 72 in the winter. Seventy degrees is too cold for me.”

“Dick, you like 70 degrees in the summer, but not 70 degrees in the winter. Why would that be?”

“I have no idea. But I know that all the folks reading this are nodding their heads.”

Then during the news, we have this exchange:


“I hear it just fine, thanks.”

“I know you do, and so do the Wilsons next door.”

Lately we have found a compromise on our juicer between the Smoothie and Whip setting (we’re frapping, now).  We’ve settled on the same water temperature when we shower, as long as no one flushes the toilet.

We need a new mattress, and in this case, I’m very sure we can purchase one that will be perfect for each of us. My wife’s had my number for years.