Opinion: Movie madness

Commentary by Dick Wolfsie

If I hadn’t gotten lost on the way to the entry exam, the people at Mensa might have made me a member. I tried a second time, but I got a flat and I have no idea how to use the jack. Otherwise, I’d be in Mensa. Believe me.

I’m sure you can’t get in Mensa if you can’t follow movies. At home, while Mary Ellen and I watch a flick, she answers emails and does Sudoku puzzles, but still manages to understand exactly what is going on.  I have to keep asking my wife if those are the good guys or the bad guys.

I don’t want my wife to think I am not watching carefully, so if I doze off and suddenly wake up. I begin laughing to show her I am paying attention. That proved to be a mistake when I fell asleep during Blazing Saddles and didn’t realize Mary Ellen had switched to a Civil War documentary.

Let’s pass some sensible bipartisan legislation that deals with the following criminal acts by movie-makers:

Flashbacks – If there’s a flashback, let’s have a big sign in the theater lobby that says: Flashback at 7:37 p.m. and 8:42 p.m. Sometimes I sit through a whole movie confused, until my wife says, “Dick, that was a flashback.”  Okay, now I want my money back.

Dream sequences – This is when a character either dreams or imagines something on the screen. In the old days when a person was having a dream, you got this campy music and the picture dissolved to show the actor had fallen asleep. I guess special effects are hard to do nowadays.

Prequels and sequels – Years ago while watching the first Star Wars movie, my son informed me that they made the second episode first. “On purpose?”  I asked. “You’d think with 500 people on the production set, someone would say, “Hey, wait a second, we forgot to do Part I!”

I still go to the movie theater with my wife. I don’t mind paying $1 to get in, 25 cents for a bag of popcorn and 10 cents for a Coke.

By the way, that was a flashback.