Opinion: Identity crisis
Commentary by Dick Wolfsie
Despite 40 years on TV, people confuse me with other people with a similar name. Here are letters I have actually received, along with a few I just made up for fun.
My grass has turned a putrid brown color. I won’t even let my nine dogs go out there anymore. Suggestions?
A fan, Mary
You have confused me with Dick Crum. Nevertheless, you have already made some progress in combating this problem.
Your show is great. I especially like the “DOINK DOINK” sound that plays at the beginning of each scene.
Thanks, Mrs. Gladys Kirchenbaum
Dear Mrs. Kirchenbaum,
There is no DOINK DOINK sound during my show. You are confusing me with Dick Wolf, executive producer of “Law and Order.” I wrote Dick Wolf and told him I was getting a lot of his fan mail and that I would forward all of it. I asked if he could forward mine to me as well. Nothing yet.
Just saw you on TV. You have more hair now. Who do you think is gonna win the NCAA this year?
I had a hair transplant. And by the way, I am not Dick Vitale.
I turned on the TV and saw you in tight shorts. What happened to that buff body you once had?
I have never had a buff body. You are thinking of Dick the Bruiser.
What’s it like being married to a witch?
I am not Dick York or Dick Sargent from “Bewitched.” And I am hiding this letter from Mary Ellen.
You never seem to age. I love watching you every New Year’s Eve.
Dear Mr. Manley:
You must have meant to contact Dick Clark. Despite my old Facebook page photo, I am rapidly aging. If you are not confusing me with Dick Clark, please stop stalking me.
I admire what you have done for civil rights.
All the best, Denise
You are confusing me with Dick Gregory. Happens all the time.