Opinion: Inspiration, Part II

Commentary by Dick Wolfsie

Part II about all the things that sparked ideas for my columns in 2016.

THANKS to Costco for offering a plump, perfectly cooked rotisserie chicken for five bucks. While in in the store to purchase one for dinner, I picked up a new iPad, some printer ink and two cases of imported beer. “How can they afford to sell an entire cooked chicken for only $4.95?” I asked the lady at the check-out.

“Got me,” she said. “Your total is $352.00. Enjoy your dinner.”

NO THANKS to my 100-bucks-an-hour tech nerd, Kevin, who has on more than one occasion simply put the cord back in the outlet. I was frustrated recently because the power button wouldn’t turn off the computer, so I told Kevin on the phone I was just going to yank out the plug. “Good,” he said. “I can use the money.”

THANKS to the investigators who went back in the scientific literature to determine the real benefits of exercise. In 1906, scientists divided people into two groups to compare their relative health. Half the people exercised daily. They are all dead now. So, there you go.

THANKS to Whole Foods, where I bought a bar of organic green soap wrapped in clear shrink-wrap. When I got out of the shower the next morning, I told my wife I didn’t think it lathered very well. “Is it because it’s organic?” I asked Mary Ellen.

“No, it’s because you just washed yourself with a wedge of cheese.”

THANKS to archeologists for uncovering the world’s first musical instrument. It looked like a kazoo and was found next to a 500,000-year-old skeleton. His body was isolated many miles from the rest of his tribe. Scientists are not sure why this man was left alone to die. I have a pretty good idea.

NO THANKS to my wife for visiting her friend in Florida without teaching me how to use all the remotes. We have one for Apple TV, one for the DVR, one for the Blu-ray and one for regular TV. “Could you change the channels?” asked Mary Ellen when she called.

“No, but I opened and closed the garage door 11 times.”